Arousal and Lubrication - Piaceri Comuni

November 19, 2025

Sometimes I get wet very easily even when I don’t feel particularly aroused. Other times, nothing at all — even in a really enjoyable situation. Why?

Dear M. (initial invented), what you’re experiencing is far more common than you think.

It’s called non-concordance, and it tends to show up more often in women than in men. It simply means there isn’t a perfect match between arousal and genital response — even though culturally we’re taught to expect that (side note: probably because men are more likely to experience that overlap).

Lubrication is a physical response to sexual stimuli.

That doesn’t necessarily mean we want the activity, or that we’re giving consent to it.

And the opposite is just as normal: we may feel mentally and emotionally turned on — breath quickening, back arching, muscles tightening — and yet… down there it’s a desert, a hair dryer, laundry in the August sun. Dry.
This doesn’t mean something is wrong.
This is simply how many bodies work. It’s normal. There’s nothing to “fix.”

Thirty years of research confirm that genital response is not a reliable indicator of desire or pleasure. And there are many specific reasons why lubrication can decrease: hormonal shifts, the pill, phases of the cycle, medications, stress (always lurking), peri/menopause, even how much water we drink.

In general, we always recommend a joyful, generous use of lubricant — even when natural lubrication is present. It reduces friction, prevents pain, feels exciting, and amplifies the core of any sexual experience, solo or shared: contact.

If you want to go deeper into the topic of non-concordance, the essential book is Come Together by Emily Nagoski. It’s incredibly helpful for understanding your own responses and explaining them to partners — and it naturally leads to picking the right lubricant together.

A note: it’s worth learning the difference between lubricants and taking a careful look at their ingredients list. You can find our interview on the topic in the podcast Solo se ti rende felice, episode from June 19, 2025 (in Italian!).