PIACERI COMUNI - Erotic Dreams, Desire & Identity

I'm 30 and Questioning Everything. Where Do I Even Start? I'm a woman who's been straight until now, and I keep having erotic dreams about other women.

Here's the good news first: questioning yourself is usually a sign you're evolving.

Erotic dreams? They're among the freest spaces our mind has. They're rarely an official declaration of identity. They're more like a place where curiosity, imagination, and desire get to mix without too many rules. They can tell you something about yourself, but they don't demand an immediate label.

So here's the first useful question: Do the images I have intrigue me, or do I actually want to explore them more?

You probably already sense there's more than just dreams happening. Maybe there's a recurring thought. Maybe there's a real woman you find yourself drawn to. Either way, questioning your orientation at thirty doesn't invalidate everything you've lived until now. People change. They discover new sides of themselves. They have experiences that shift their entire perspective. It happens more often than you'd think.

Fluidity Is Real

There's this concept gaining ground: for some people, attraction isn't a rigid line. It's something that moves over time.

This doesn't mean everything changes. It doesn't mean you need a new label. Sometimes it just means recognizing that a person can captivate you beyond the categories you were used to.

As you get older, your criteria shift too. You become less susceptible to what people around you expect. At twenty, attraction often follows immediate dynamics. With time, you get sensitive to subtler things: someone's energy, the way you two click, how they make you feel. Attraction can bloom right there—in the person, not the category.

Or sometimes something even simpler happens: your mind makes a small click and suddenly you're seeing an entire gender through completely new eyes.

Where to Actually Start

Give yourself permission to take your time. And to be curious.

For some people, orientation is a story you understand while you're living it, not before.

Practical idea: Try chatting with women on a dating app. Just observe how you feel. Or go to an LGBTQI+ event: worst case scenario, you'll have fun.

There's no rush to define anything. Your thirty-year-old self is allowed to explore what your twenty-year-old self never considered. That's not confusion. That's evolution.

From the contest "Atlante del Piacere"

Photo by Benedetta Micheli, Sweet Hills, 2025

The landscape offers itself as a body waiting. Hills that bow, dunes that breathe. Light slides across their slow curves, revealing the earth's secret intimacy. Each line is a whisper, each shadow a held breath. Nature and femininity dissolve into a single caress, where the world bends to the desire of its own forms.

Every month we answer a question about sexuality for Lungarno, the Florentine magazine. Write to us at info@laclit.com or DM us on IG with yours!