SHARED PLEASURES: KIDS & PORN

"I'm the mother of a 16-year-old boy and I caught him watching porn. What should I do? Should I talk to him?"

Short answer: It's a good idea.
Long answer: Let's dive in.

Generally speaking, there's nothing inherently wrong with watching porn. It's extremely common and can be quite enjoyable. Every situation is unique, and we have limited information here: a 16-year-old could be at very different points in their sexual journey. They might have already had various experiences, be just starting out, or not have experimented at all yet. They might attend a progressive school with comprehensive sex education, or be forming their understanding at Sunday school or, most likely, on the internet. Almost certainly, they're in the middle of hormonal explosion and likely still have a lot to discover.

Your question "Should I talk to him?" seems to be asking "Does he have a problem?"

In that sense, the answer is: probably not. Or rather, not simply because he's watching porn.

Why Talk Anyway?

Talking is almost always a good idea. A conversation can be really useful to make sure your teenager understands that porn is entertainment, not reality, and often very far from it. Think of the distance between a Hollywood blockbuster and everyday life.

Mainstream porn:

• Reinforces stereotypes of all kinds (social, racial, gender-based);
  
  
• Centres penetration and performance;
  
  
• Skips over fundamentals like respect and consent;
  
  
• Completely ignores connection, communication, and intimacy.

In short: once you make sure porn isn't your son's sole sex education, you can let him watch it in peace.

💡 Before the Direct Talk (or Alongside It), You Could Try This Tactical Approach:

You could casually leave this page open in a place that your teenager might see it and might think it is about them.

Or you could leave a copy of a book on healthy sexuality (such as Non Farti Fottere by Lilli Gruber) lying around to show you're informed on the topic.

Feeling bold? You could leave our laptop open to some ethical, feminist, sex-positive porn by Erika Lust to demonstrate there's a whole different world of pornography out there (mother of the year or super cringe award? You decide!)

The book Non farti fottere by Lilli Gruber was recommended for this case by psychologist sex counselor Sabrina Pompei.

Every month we answer a question about sexuality in the Florentine magazine Lungarno.
Send us yours at info@laclit.com or via IG!