When we started researching and shaping this talk, we knew one thing: it wouldn’t be banal. And it wasn’t.

Below you’ll find:

 - the takeaways of our talk with our guest Costanza Gori, sex counselor

 - practical tips for actually caring for the post–sexual interaction phase

 - and a curated selection of products perfect for aftercare

During our conversation with Costanza Gori a the Independent Book Store, L'Ornitorinco, in Florence, we explored the concept of aftercare beyond its most common definition as a simple post-sex cuddle or affectionate gesture.

As we discussed, aftercare can be understood as a process of emotional and physical integration following experiences of erotic, relational, or affective intensity. Even when the experience itself ends, the nervous system may still be activated, and it needs time and support to return to regulation.

The term originates in BDSM contexts and not because those practices are inherently “more extreme,” but because in those spaces:
- altered states of consciousness are acknowledged;
- emotional involvement is named;
- the body is considered central to the experience.

Aftercare emerged as a practical response to the need to gently guide the nervous system out of heightened states of activation.

But as we highlighted, similar peaks of activation happen in so-called “vanilla” sexuality too, often without shared language or rituals to navigate what comes next. Without aftercare, the physiological drop after an intense peak may show up as:

• sadness
• irritability
• a sense of emptiness
• shame
• a need for closeness - or, conversely, distance
• sex blues

What BDSM communities call sub drop and dom drop have unnamed equivalents in everyday sexual and relational experiences (including “solo sex”!).

Finally, Costanza invited us to see aftercare as a broader relational skill, one that goes beyond sexuality and into how we handle the “after” in all intense interactions. Power dynamics and responsibility can shift after intensity. While responsibility is always shared, it isn’t always symmetrical. The person who introduced a particular practice — or brought forward a vulnerable topic in a conflict — may have guided the intensity or opened deeper vulnerability. Even with full consent, there can be a greater responsibility to help co-create a return to safety.

This applies to:

• closing difficult conversations
• breakups
• shared moments of vulnerability
• the emotional aftermath of intense experiences

In this sense, aftercare is the ability to stay present once the intensity has passed, and to care for what was opened between you.

Tips

As we discussed, aftercare isn’t standardized. It shifts depending on the people involved and the context. Still, here are some guiding principles:

🖤 Name your possible “after” needs before the experience.

🖤 Allow time to slow down instead of jumping straight back into routine.

🖤 Don’t interpret complex post-intensity emotions as failure or weakness.

🖤 Stay in touch when possible — especially after moments of deep vulnerability.

🖤 Recognize that the need for space or closeness may arise hours or even days later.

🖤 Caring for what happens after intensity is not an accessory moment — it is part of the exchange itself.

Products for Aftercare

During the event, we also talked about wax play candles, an experience that doesn’t end with the heat.

Like any practice involving intense stimulation and nervous system activation, wax play includes an essential aftercare phase. After the wax has been dripped onto the body (at the right distance and temperature), there comes the moment of removing it — slowly, together.

Peeling away solidified wax isn’t just “clean up.”
It’s a gesture of care, check-in, and gradual return to regulation.

For some people, deep massage is an ideal form of aftercare. In this case, we suggest trying one of our massage candles: as the flame melts the butters and oils, they transform into warm liquid that gently heats the skin, releasing muscular tension. Meanwhile, essential oils diffuse into the air, creating a fully multisensory experience.

For those who love generous amounts of oil, we recommend our newest organic-certified aphrodisiac massage oil, inspired by Ayurveda and Made in France. Its irresistible scent blends sandalwood, bergamot, and ginger. It warms beautifully between your hands, deeply nourishes the skin, and leaves a delicious trace in the air. without feeling greasy. Aftercare is pleasure, too.

Have fun. 💫